It was 7:00 in the morning, the sun
rose and smiled brightly as the roosters’ crowed and woke Neenah from her sleep.
Neenah walked out of her room as her phone rang from the pocket of her blue
shirt, her aunt Lucy from 4 mile called to tell her that her grandfather had passed
away last night.
She was lost for a moment; it was difficult
for her to processed the information. She thought this was a dream, her mind
started to rushed back to the good memories she had with her grandfather. This
news was just hard to digest. For a while she could not breathe, as if
everything around her was invisible and the whole world just stopped, she felt
like a sharp knife had been planted through her heart. She recalled her
grandfather Jack, the kind dark brown eyes, short figure with long nose and frail
skin who was in his late 70s.
The man who motivated and encouraged
her when her whole world came crashing down. The one she shared her happiness
and peace with was gone now. With sadness in her aching heart she gave out a
painful scream as sorrowful tears streamed down from her light brown eyes all
the way down to her soft chubby cheeks. She couldn’t control herself and the
emotions she was feeling at the moment. Her tears were like rain drops that was
nonstop, the sound of her painful scream can be heard in the whole neighborhood.
Her sisters could not have comforted her not even her own father.
Neenah just turned 18, adulthood was
hard for her. She had issues accepting herself. The pain she felt can be seen
on the expression she made on her face. The hot sweat dripped from her thick
black highlander hair and joined the hot tears from her eyes. Her light brown
face turned purple. She was the only child who was a mini version of her mother
in her family, the long nose, cute smile and big brown eyes. She was the shy
one in the family who loved to stay indoor and read books.
Her father and mother got divorced when she
was seven and she lived with her father her and her step-mother her entire
life. Getting to know her grandfather was a dream come true because her father
couldn’t allow her to see her biological mother and her grandfather after their
separation. With anger and hatred for her father in her heart she went to 4mile
where her mum and granny was.
When she arrived, the midday sun was over her shoulder
and she saw the brown dust particles floated in the air as she crossed the
sealed road filled with big potholes. she realized that the place does not
change at all, it was what exactly how she imagined it would be after she left
to live with her father. The small community was filled with noise of pop music
and children's laughter. The old houses lined up beside the road covered in
dust, the small playground covered with green grasses, flowers and children
played football. Neenah’s grandfather was praised and was respected by the
small community there. She came to her grandfather’s house, her other relatives
there heartbroken and then she saw the body of her grandfather laid on a table
and covered in a white sheet.
She could not believe her eyes, she thought where
was the cheerful person I once knew?
Where was this person with a
contagious smile that can melted the hardest of hearts?
Neenah regretted that she never got the chance
to say good-bye when her grandfather was in the hospital. She hated herself for
it, she hated her father for not allowing her to spend more time with her
granddad. The pain, sorrow and grief in her heart, she knew she will not spend
time with her grandfather anymore. She dropped to her knees as her mum, Mala
hugged and comforted her.
Neenah cried till there were no more tears to
cry, she lost her voice and her eyes were swollen. Mala knew her father Jack (Neenah’s
grandfather) favored Neenah more than his other grandchildren because of
Neenah’s great personalities and characters. She felt deeply sorry for Neenah.
“Mummy forgive me for not visiting
you and grandpa at the hospital”, said Neenah in her cracked and weak voice.
Neenah’s mother kissed Neenah on her sweaty
forehead and said, “It’s alright baby, everything will be okay”.
Neenah’s father and her step-mother
arrived at the haus krai (House of mourning) with her two
younger siblings to showed their respect and condolences. Neenah’s elder cousins
and uncles sat on black chairs in a circle and discussed about the funeral
program and burial service. Neenah left the side of her mother and went to her
grandfather’s room. She saw on her grandfather’s old table were two photo frames,
the first big one was the whole family photograph and the small frame was of
her grandfather and her. She took the small photo frame and sat on the verandah
of her grandfather’s high post house. She stared at the photo as tears started
to fell from her bloated eyes, she was lost in her wild thoughts.
The grey clouds cleared leaving the sky with
sparkling stars and the crescent moon giving its pale light. Neenah’s mind was
restless and her body was exhausted but she forced herself to stay up late
because sleeping felt like drowning in deep ocean of grief and regrets where
there was no one to save her.
The night approached and Neenah
realized once again that her grandfather was really gone, she started to sobbed
uncontrollably. The tears from her eyes fell and washed the photo in her hand.
She screamed once again like a wounded child, her mind blurred with memories of
her granny.
Mala heard Neenah’s voice and quickly
ran up the stairs and held her. In her mother’s arm, Neenah felt safe and
protected. “Let it out my baby, I got you”, said Mala.
“I should have been there by his side
and tell him how much I adore him but I didn’t mum and I could not forgive
myself for that”, Said Neenah crying.
“Don’t you say that, your grandfather
loved you very much and he forgave you before he passed”, protested Mala.
Neenah
sighed and let out a breath of relief, she forgave herself because she knew her
grandfather forgave her and that is all she needed.
